in the dull light of a gray early evening
I stand by a motel room window, half-dressed
watching the red blue and
yellow train cars shuffle past on the tracks
down the way, the tracks by the silver smokestacks;
watching a needle-beaked bird with feathers
purpleblack as an oilslick or a night without stars,
he's pecking around in the dumpster, he's like us,
I guess, trying to find a bit of treasure among the
crushed beercans and half-eaten sandwiches and
condom wrappers - all the refuse of this motel
and everyone passing through
I step away from the view and empty my bag, pour
it out on the pastel flowered bedspread, looking
for matches
someone told me that all I'd ever need to carry
with me is a toothbrush, a clean pair of underwear,
and a bottle of gin
it's as good advice as any
I have the toothbrush, and the clean underwear,
but I finished off the bottle three nights ago
and just as well, I couldn't drink it now,
it would taste like you, taste like the pine trees
we lay under, all glowing with raindrops, bitter
like the pine trees under which our restless bodies
stilled for a while
my reverie is interrupted by the sharp ring of the
putty-colored phone – it's the front desk, asking
if there's anything I need, and I tell them no,
resist the urge to say yes, many things, because
what I need is not a washcloth or a styrofoam cup or
a bar of soap
strange small rainy towns on rivers and lakes,
gin and tonic nights
we prophecy our lives, you and I, with words
inked into our flesh, eternal reminders of the things
we'll always be
or never were
and our most beautiful mistakes
I wonder why our paths twined when they did and not
years ago - but it would have been the wrong time
then, too
I feel like crying when I think of your sad, slow smile
I'm not asking for forever, but darlin, can't we
be together for at least a little while?
tonight, I will put on a gingham skirt and go dance alone,
I'll wait for someone to buy me a drink, I'll wish they
could woo me like you do
tomorrow, I think I'll climb on one of those blue boxcars
and keep moving until I've gone so far that
even the ghosts won't know where to find me